


Baby Steps

by CaveDwellers



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Cuddles and fluff, Domesticity, F/F, Feel-good, Fluff, Nearsighted Ruby, Pregnancy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 05:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7255069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaveDwellers/pseuds/CaveDwellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If mismatched furniture is the most she and her wife are worrying about these days, Sapphire figures, then perhaps they are as prepared as they are going to get. Sometimes... sometimes these things just work out the way they're meant to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Steps

**Author's Note:**

> This was a commission by a really sweet person who would like to remain anonymous! Posted with their permission. If you would like to commission me, please see my [tumblr!](http://theladyforester.tumblr.com/search/hire+a+dwell)

The last time she and her partner spoke about this was back in college—around the time of their three year anniversary, if Sapphire recalls? The verdict then had been "Maybe some day, but definitely not now. We should make a point of being prepared, first."

It had been a good decision, then, but it's been a few years now. They've been happy years—finishing school, getting married, settling comfortably in to the groove of a domestic life together. Ruby is a math teacher at the community college, and Sapphire earned her certification as a prosecuting attorney a few months ago. They decided against buying a house, due to both the commute to their respective workplaces and the proximity to their friends; they liked the idea of keeping close so much more than the idea of more square footage. Besides, Sapphire _just_ finished putting the final touches on the decor of their apartment, and she would be loathe to break it all down after this much time and effort. This apartment has been theirs since college, but they've only managed to phase out all of them mismatched furniture in recent times.

If mismatched furniture is the most they are worrying about these days, she figures, then perhaps they are as prepared as they are going to get.

"Hey, Sapph?"

Sapphire glances away from her laptop, where she is drafting a closing statement for a client. She is curled up on one end of the leather couch with a crocheted afghan and her laptop balanced over her knees, whereas her wife is seated in front of the coffee table with a sprawl of partially-graded calculus II midterms. Ruby actually has a proper desk, but she never uses it. She says she prefers sitting on the floor; it's just more comfortable to her.

Ruby also habitually sits close enough that whenever Sapphire wants the brief distraction of physical contact from her usual spot on the couch, all she has to do is reach out and pluck at Ruby’s curls or massage the back of her neck. Sapphire certainly can't complain about _that._

Sapphire is mildly bemused by the way Ruby is looking at her. It is hesitant, almost. Like there is something about Sapphire she doesn’t know, and she is apprehensive of finding out. She is earnest, too, and sincere as always.

Sapphire, frowning slightly, sets her laptop aside and reaches for her now. Ruby immediately leans into the palm that cups her cheek. She smiles slightly, and Sapphire is able to relax a little. What’s on her mind can’t be all bad, if she can still act like this.

“What is it?” asks Sapphire softly, lightly stroking the side of her partner’s mouth with the pad of her thumb.

“I, uh. Well, Sapphire, there’s…” Ruby swallows despite herself. “There’s something I’d really like to talk to you about. To ask you.”

Sapphire offers a small grin. “What, are you going to ask me to marry you?”

Ruby surprises herself with her own laughter, giggling and holding onto Sapphire’s wrist with one broad, warm hand. “It’s like you’re psychic,” she remarks wryly.

Sapphire snorts, too, but she softens when Ruby’s eyes close and she rubs her cheek into Sapphire’s palm. The square, dark rimmed glasses she’s wearing are knocked askew, but she doesn’t notice or care.

“This really is a big discussion for you, isn’t it?” says Sapphire.

“Mm, yeah, a bit,” Ruby hums. Her eyes open, meet Sapphire’s honestly over the crooked rim of her glasses. “It’s not a bad thing, though.”

“Then what’s on your mind, Ru? You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“I…” She stops, lets out a little groan. Sapphire’s hand is released in favor of Ruby climbing up onto the couch with her (carefully shutting and placing the laptop on the coffee table next to all of the math tests). Sapphire still doesn’t understand what’s going on with Ruby right now, but when she is given the offer to hug and be held she takes it without hesitation. That has to count for something, right?

Stroking Ruby’s fluffy hairline as the stockier woman curls into her, nose and the frames of her glasses pushing into her cheek, Sapphire has to ask, “Are you sure it’s not bad?”

Ruby nods, but the grip she has on Sapphire tightens. Sapphire can feel how rapidly her wife’s heart has begun to thump behind her breastbone. “It’s just started to mean a lot to me,” she mumbles. “I don’t know whether I’ve just built it up in my head, or I’ve waited too long to tell you about it, but…”

There are only a handful of topics that mean this much to Ruby, and while Sapphire does have her suspicions she wants to hear it from the horse’s mouth. When it comes to Ruby, who is as unpredictable as she is passionate, Sapphire has learned that it isn’t wise to make assumptions.

“Well, don’t keep me in suspense,” Sapphire says, giving a gentle tug to one of Ruby’s curls. She’s only partially joking.

“I-I wanna talk about having a family, Sapphire.” Ruby speaks quick and quiet into her skin, and Sapphire almost doesn’t catch it. “Because I… I think I really want one.”

The hand Sapphire has in her wife’s hair pauses. This is definitely one of the things she thought Ruby might bring up, it’s not that. It just sounds different, coming from her in real time. “How long have you been thinking about this?” she asks.

Ruby offers a shrug with the shoulder that isn’t pressed into her. “For a while. Probably started around when we got married, but I haven’t really been too serious about it until recently. Things have been going really well for us, and… and I think we’d be good at it, you and I. I think we’d be really good parents, and I want to try it.”

At the soft urgings of Sapphire’s hand on her cheek, Ruby lifts her head. Their eyes meet, blue on the gentlest of browns. Ruby looks so sweet right now, hope warring against hope across the expressive contours of her face. Untamable spirals of hair catch the yellow light of the floor lamp next to the couch and form an impromptu halo around her temples. Her glasses are still sitting a little crooked on her nose.

Sapphire looks at Ruby, and something warm and bubbly surges within her chest. Everything about this person is too wonderful for words. Sapphire is lucky to be here with her; she is so very lucky.

Ruby doesn’t do anything when Sapphire reaches out and adjusts her glasses for her. She merely blinks when fingers trail down the warm dark skin of her neck. However, she does lean in when Sapphire braces a hand on her thigh and kisses her. It’s a soft kiss, a gentle mashing of lips, the exchange of a single shared breath; it is the imparting of emotion from one soul to another.

“I’m glad you’re telling me about this,” Sapphire tells her. “I would have wanted to know.”

“You’re not saying what you think about it.”

Sapphire kisses her again, a brief peck on the lips. She gives a reassuring squeeze to the leg her hand is still on, and smiles. “I think now is a good time. We’re both still active enough to keep up with a baby, and we’re in a good state fiscally and emotionally.” Then, at Ruby’s unconvinced and somewhat uncertain look, she adds, “It’s sort of funny you mention this now, though, because I was working myself up to talking to _you_ about this in the next week or so, and I wasn’t sure what you would have to say about it, either.”

Ruby’s eyes widen from behind the panes of her glasses. There is a smudge from where she’s pressed her face into Sapphire’s, but she doesn’t seem to notice it. “Are you serious?”

Sapphire nods. It’s a somewhat sheepish nod, but it is mostly good natured for all of that. “Great minds think alike, I guess.”

It takes a moment for that information to percolate, but when it does Ruby’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. She is touched and delighted in equal parts. “You really want to start a family with me?”

Sapphire lets out a warm chuckle, can’t resist surging forward and kissing her again. “Yes, Ruby, I really do,” she murmurs as the tips of their noses graze past one another.

Ruby is grinning like she thinks of herself as the lucky one. She sits up excitedly, all but bouncing in place. “I haven’t looked into adoption agencies yet, or anything like that,” she admits. “Honestly, I’m not totally sure where to begin, but—”

“Actually…”

Ruby blinks, gazes at her with concern. Her head tilts to the side. “ ‘Actually’ what, Sapphy?”

Sapphire’s cheeks are warm at the sudden attention. She isn’t apprehensive about telling Ruby, per se, but she is a little uncertain about what her wife’s reaction will be. They have talked about having a family before, but only ever really in the abstract: is this or is this not something you and I want for ourselves. For all of the things that Sapphire and Ruby have shared with each other—their opinions, their memories, their very lives—somehow this subject has always slipped through the cracks. Ruby doesn’t know, and while it’s not because Sapphire has been hiding it has been long enough that it is a little embarrassing to only now be bringing it up.

“Um, well, I-I’ve always sort of wanted to experience pregnancy?” she says. “I want to be a mom from start to end, you know?”

 _“Oh.”_ Ruby looks at her as if in a new light. Then her face splits into a grin, and Sapphire sees the joke coming long before her wife actually says, “Why is that kind of hot?”

 _“Ruby!”_ Sapphire laughs and pushes at her, cheeks practically on fire with heat, and Ruby starts giggling too. Her wife is smiling as she adjusts her glasses and leans in to press a sweet kiss to each rosy cheek in turn. Sapphire is a bit flustered, but not so much that she can’t respond when a kiss is pressed to her mouth.

“Honestly, though,” Ruby murmurs in the tone that has always made Sapphire’s limbs feel like they’ve been replaced with jelly. Their foreheads bump, and tiny spirals of Ruby’s hair tickle Sapphire’s cheeks as their eyes meet. “If that’s what you want, Sapphy, then I think you should do it. I think _we_ should. We both want a family either way—why not have one the old fashioned way?”

Ruby’s palms, large and square and sturdy, encircle Sapphire’s hips, and Sapphire reflects upon how safe Ruby’s touch always makes her feel.

She smiles, half playful. “Not afraid of me getting stretch marks?”

“Depends. Could I lick them?”

Sapphire snorts so loudly that the tenderness of their embrace is abruptly shattered. Ruby falls back to the other armrest of the couch, cackling at her own wit. Sapphire shakes her head, chortling wryly to herself, as she watches the stockier woman crack up. Something has settled in her gut, something as warm and steady as Ruby herself. She hadn’t realized how much tension had been underlying their interactions recently, until it was no longer there. She is glad that they were able to talk about this. The logistics, she figures, will all fall into place as they move along.

* * *

 

Dr. Maheswaran is a tall woman with stern streaks of grey in her waist length wavy hair. It is secured into a clinical braid that hangs down her back, but Sapphire imagines it is rather pretty when it is loose. Her eyes are severe, but the laugh lines at their corners betray her as a woman who has not forgotten how to smile.

Ruby, who is standing next to Sapphire, fidgets on her feet. Sapphire, clad in a medical gown and nothing else, is seated on the examination table, motionless. They are awaiting the results of her physical, to see if artificial insemination is even possible. The only outward sign that Sapphire gives of her nerves is the way she reaches for Ruby's hand. The latter threads their fingers together and holds on firmly.

"So?" asks Ruby. "What's the verdict? Can we?"

Dr. Maheswaran gives no outward indication of emotion, but she does flip through her clipboard of results. The crinkling of the paper is somehow very loud in Sapphire's ears. The doctor hums in her throat.

"I do believe that artificial insemination is possible," she concedes at length. "The patient is in good condition, physiologically, and tests reveal no potential health problems that would impair her ability to carry a child full term."

Sapphire isn't the only one letting out a loud breath of relief. The fingers she is holding on to squeeze. _We can do this, it's okay_. The words play like a mantra to the tune of her heartbeat. _We can actually do this..._

"Do..." Sapphire is hesitant. "Is there a particularly long time to wait for something like this? A process we have to go through?"

Dr. Maheswaran nearly smiles. "So eager to get started?"

"Well, yeah," Ruby says, perhaps a little louder than she intended. "We said we wanted to get started on having a family, not that we wanted to wait a year before kindasorta getting the process moving."

Dr. Maheswaran seems to realize that this response is more of a product of nerves and relief than anything else, and so disregards the potential offense she might have felt over Ruby's reply. "I don't see any reason why you shouldn't, medically speaking," she says. "I can fax the paperwork over to the clinic today. Do you already have a specialist selected for pre- and post-natal care?"

"Well, no," Sapphire admits. "We hadn't gotten there yet, because we weren't sure whether or not it was even possible."

"You should look into that soon," she says. "Pre-natal care is exceedingly important, you know."

Sapphire and Ruby exchange a look, and Sapphire nods. She likes knowing that she and her wife are on the same page.

"Your office does that, right?" says Sapphire. Might as well see if they could kill two birds with one stone. "Do you have an opening for a new patient?"

"I wouldn't have brought it up if I didn't."

Sapphire has to smile a bit. Dr. Maheswaran is a little gruff, but she likes the woman. She doesn't seem like the sort to pull punches, and that makes Sapphire trust her.

"If you have the paperwork for the application handy, then we would love to fill it out."

* * *

 

"This shouldn't be complicated," Ruby complains as they sit together on the couch. Sapphire's laptop is open on the coffee table in front of them, a crowded list in front of them. Currently, Ruby is scrolling through that list. Names and descriptions fly by as she does this, too quick for anyone to actually read any of it. "I mean, I knew guys got paid for this, but I didn't think there would be so _many_ of them!"

"Descriptions of musical proficiency or academic prowess don't necessarily translate through genetics, either," Sapphire remarks. She doesn't stop Ruby's lightning-fast scrolling; they've combed through this list of sperm donors probably half a dozen times now, and while she does have a sub-list of their favorites written on the legal pad in her lap she's still not sure any of them are the right choice, either. They have male friends, but none that are close enough to ask for something like _this_. Or, Sapphire thinks, that they would _want_ to ask for anything like this from.

Ruby lets out a loud groan. She scrubs at her face with the hand that had been scrolling. She's not wearing her glasses right now, so she can't knock them askew. "Sapph, I don't know," she says. "I really don't know how to choose between any of these. They all sort of sound the same after a while—and we can't even meet them to see if any of this is made up! Is that messed up? I think that's kind of messed up."

Sapphire reaches over and rubs between her wife's shoulders. "I do think it is a little messed up," she admits. "But that's just now how it works here." She pauses, still rubbing Ruby's back, and then thinks of something. "Okay, instead of trying to figure out who is most impressive here—” she gestures to the list of sperm donors "—let’s come at this from another angle. What is important to us?"

Ruby's brows furrow in confusion. "Could you be a little more specific?"

"Traits in a child," Sapphire says. "Is it their ethnic heritage? Their potential to be a genius, their ability to play sports? Does any of that even matter to us? We have the privilege of being able to consider that, Ruby, so we might as well take advantage of it. What do you and I consider important?"

Ruby doesn't respond right away, which is a little unusual for her. She looks between Sapphire and the donor list, considering. "…I don't care what they will look like," she admits finally. "I don't care if they'll like sports or music, as long as they don't end up being some kind of psychopath or something. I… I just want someone that I can love and help to guide through their life. I want them to be able to love me back, even though I won't be a part of the equation, genetically speaking. I want to be able to play with them, and help them be happy. That's what's important, to me."

Sapphire nods and brushes a curl behind her wife's ear. "I think that knowing this is important," she says.

Ruby looks at her. "Well, what's important to you?"

Sapphire glances at the computer again. "Honestly, the ones that I keep coming back to in my mind are the ones that sound the most sincere. The ones who love being able to spend time with their parents, who care about others. I don't much care about looks or physical prowess, either. I want someone who has the want and the potential to be happy." She laughs a little to herself. "That's pretty generic, I know. Isn't that what every parent wants for their kid?"

Ruby is quiet for a moment. "Well," she says slowly. "What if we go through the list one more time, with these things in mind? Think it'll make a difference?"

Their eyes meet, and they share a small smile. "I'm not sure," Sapphire admits. "But, considering how we aren't making progress as things are, it certainly can't hurt."

* * *

 

The thing about being together for as long as Sapphire and Ruby have is that, these days, she has gotten rather spoilt. Over the years Ruby has become her constant, the one thing Sapphire knows she can rely on no matter what.

It is exceedingly difficult to sleep without her wife next to her. Sapphire finds herself reaching for the radiating warmth of her partner, and when her fingers find only vacuous cold of empty sheets something in her falls. Ruby isn't just briefly gone to use the bathroom, her side of the bed is _cold_ like she hasn't been there in a while. Sapphire doesn't… she doesn't like it, and she doesn't know what to do about it, either.

Ruby had been with her when she fell asleep. She had thought they'd fallen asleep together, like always. Where is Ruby now?

Rubbing her eyes, working and blind both, to help move some moisture into them and wake herself up, Sapphire pushes herself to sit. She swipes her long, tangled blonde hair over her shoulder and gazes through the dark of their bedroom. She doesn't see Ruby's broad-shouldered, curly-haired silhouette anywhere. "Ruby?" she calls softly.

No answer.

Frowning in both concern and bemusement, Sapphire folds the blankets back and swings her feet to the floor. "Ru?" she tries again as she steps, barefoot, into the hallway. "Ru, honey, where are you?"

She hears a small grunt, though whether it is meant to actually be one of acknowledgement Sapphire is not sure. She follows the noise out into the living room anyway. Ruby is at their round, four-person kitchen table with what looks like a mug of hot cocoa. The frothy drink is half gone, but she seems to be holding onto it for moral support more than anything. She is alternating between chewing on the inside of her cheek, staring at her cocoa, and looking off into space. Still, she does not jump when Sapphire approaches places a hand on her shoulder.

"Sorry." She mumbles it like she knows how uncomfortable her absence has made Sapphire. "I just—I just need to think. I need time to think."

"What are you thinking about?" asks Sapphire, rubbing her shoulder.

"I…" Ruby props her elbows on the table, on either side of her drink, and rubs both palms over her face. "I _want_ this," she whispers. "I've wanted a family with you for so long, and I want it bad. I just…" Her breath catches in a small squeak, and she closes her eyes. She shakes her head, rubs at her eyes as if to clear the perspective from them, make it something more positive. "Nothing. I'm being dumb. Sorry if I woke you."

"You just what?" prods Sapphire softly. She touches her wife on the cheek, looks into her sincere eyes, darker and deeper than the half drunken hot cocoa in front of her. "I want to know, Ru."

Ruby leans into her touch subconsciously, nuzzling her fingers. "It's stupid. I'm okay."

"If it's keeping you up in the middle of the night, hitting the hard stuff," Sapphire says, and this wry statement about the hot chocolate earns her a sliver of a grin. She continues, but she leaves the levity in her tone behind. "Then I don't think it can be stupid, Ruby. It's obviously important to you, so it's important to me, too."

When Ruby doesn't reply immediately, Sapphire drops into her lap. The chair squeals across the kitchen tile as Ruby cooperatively scoots back to make room for her, and Sapphire makes herself at home on thick, powerful thighs, drapes an arm around her partner's shoulders. Automatically, Ruby's arms go around her waist and lap to hold her into place.

"So, here we are, in the wee hours of the morning," says Sapphire conversationally. With her free hand she strokes her thumb over Ruby's jaw, gazes at her with tender concern. "Please tell me what's on your mind, Ru. It bothers me to see you bothered."

Ruby holds her closer, rests her cheek on Sapphire's shoulder. She doesn't answer immediately, but Sapphire can be patient. She feels Ruby's thumb slip under the hem of the tank top she wears to bed and rub slow circles into her hip. "I've wanted this, and I’ve always figured with your help I’d be good at it," she says in a very small voice. "But Sapph, I don't _know_ if I'll be any good at all. I… what if I'm the worst mom ever? It's not like I had any good examples to learn from!"

It's true, Ruby hasn't. Her parents didn't abandon her outright—she lived with them right up until she was eighteen—but that doesn't mean they were particularly good for her, either. One child out of five, a middle child, parental affection for Ruby had been highly conditional, rationed out almost entirely in response to her performance in sports or school. If she underperformed, or if she acted out for attention, then… well, Sapphire doesn't like to think of the ways Ruby used to come to her. Ruby hadn't minded school or sports, either, but her affection for those things certainly hadn't been forged from what happened to her if she failed.

There were a lot of ugly self worth issues that Ruby had needed help sorting through, their first few years together. They were still there, in a way. It is very hard to convince someone they are worth it simply because they are themselves—and they are loved unconditionally, no need for any sort of special performances or acts of sincerity—when they have spent the better part of their lives believing the opposite. Ruby has always had a hard time believing she could be special, especially when she spent so many years getting lost in the shuffle of her myriad of sisters.

Well, Sapphire always replies. I'm not here with any of your sisters, am I? I'm here with _you_ , the only person I want. That is no mistake, Ruby. I know exactly what I'm doing, and exactly who I'm asking for. I want _you_.

"What makes you think that knowing what not to do isn't just as good a teacher?" she wonders softly, brushing some of Ruby's curls off of her neck. "You know how it feels when you give someone something less than unconditional love and affection, and you know exactly how you would have wanted to be treated. I would think, with that backing you, you would be the best candidate for the job."

"I know what I _want_ to do, but I don't know _how_ to do it. All I know is what I was taught," Ruby says, turning her face deeper into Sapphire's shoulder. "I would absolutely hate it, if I made our baby feel like I did. I would never be able to forgive myself."

“I don’t think you will,” Sapphire tells her, stroking her cheek. “I wouldn’t want this with you, if I thought you weren’t capable of being an excellent mother.”

“You’ve always believed in me,” Ruby murmurs. “I wish I could do that.”

“Do you need time to slow down? I’m not pregnant yet. We can reschedule—”

 _“No!”_ Sapphire feels the grip on her hips tighten. At first Ruby presses her face deeper into Sapphire’s shoulder, but then she lifts her head and looks at her straight on. “No. Sapph, I _want_ this.”

“Going slower isn’t a sign that you don’t want this,” she says gently, cupping her wife’s jaw with her free hand. “I don’t perceive taking our time as a sign you’ve gotten cold feet, I perceive it as us going at our own pace. We are allowed to take as long or as little as we want for this process. Ru, I want you to feel comfortable having a family with me. I don’t want you to be so scared and anxious you can’t sleep.”

Ruby blinks, and the sweet brown of her eyes goes glassy. When she speaks, her voice cracks, “You’re so good to me, Sapphire. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.”

“Hey, hey. We don’t talk like that anymore, remember?” Nevertheless, Sapphire curls her fingers into the hair at the base of Ruby’s neck and leans in to kiss the corner of the eye that is closest to her. “I married you because I love you more than I ever thought I was capable of loving another person, and that has everything to do with how absolutely wonderful you are. I feel lucky to be here with you, Ruby. I always have.”

She noses affectionately at Ruby’s soft brown cheek, brushes her lips across the side of her mouth. When she draws back, Ruby looks a bit raw, but at least she seems to be listening now.

Her partner sniffles, shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I’m being stupid—”

“—You’re not being stupid.” Sapphire tightens her grip on the fluffy hair her fingers are tangled in. She isn’t rough, but she does pull enough for her wife to actually _listen_. “Ruby, you’re worried sick over the welfare of a child we don’t even have yet. Don’t you see how much you already love them, how utterly unconditional that love already is?”

The look on Ruby’s face betrays the fact she had not thought of things in this way. It hurts a little to realize that she would not have come to these conclusions on her own, but there again, that’s one of the reasons Sapphire knows she is good for her. She makes Ruby see things from other perspectives.

“But I still don’t know how to show that in a practical way,” Ruby says. “What if I try, and I’m terrible at it?”

“And if you’re great at it?”

Ruby doesn’t answer immediately. She opens her mouth, only to close it again. She does this a couple of times before she finally replies, her eyes big and her body language betraying the fact she is not certain she really wants to know the answer, “You really think I could be, Sapphire?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” Sapphire leans in and presses a slow, closemouthed kiss to Ruby’s forehead, and then another one to her lips. “Do you want me to call and reschedule with Dr. Maheswaran in the morning, give us a couple more weeks to get used to this?” she asks. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Ruby shakes her head. “No. No, I like our timeline. I do. I-I really want to meet our baby, Sapph. I already wish we had them.”

“Then what can I do to help you feel less anxious, Ru? I want to help.”

“Maybe… maybe we can check out some parenting books tomorrow, so I can have something to practice and think about? Or something?”

Ruby looks sheepish and embarrassed, but Sapphire only feels a monumental surge of affection in her chest. It oozes down her limbs like she’s sunk into a jacuzzi, and as she looks at her partner she catches herself wondering how it’s possible to love this woman even more now than she had when they went to bed earlier this evening. She does, though; she really, really does.

When Sapphire leans in to kiss her again, Ruby reciprocates with only a little bit of shyness. “I think we could make that a lot of fun,” Sapphire says. “But until then, we should probably get some sleep. And your hot chocolate has gone cold.”

Ruby’s second arm wraps around her waist as she grins and tilts her chin up to look at her better, and Sapphire sees the cheeky quip coming the moment before she hears, “That’s okay, I’ve found something sweeter.”

* * *

 

Artificial insemination takes all the guesswork out of pregnancy, as a general rule. It's not like it is ever a happy coincidence, or an accident. You know when it is going to happen.

Of course, there is always that small chance that the time spent spread eagle in a cold metal chair, fighting embarrassment at your state of dress and balking at how _clinical_ it all seems, was in vain, because the procedure didn't take.

When you actually want to be pregnant, there is no worse thought. It becomes a source of anxiety. You don't want to go back there, not like that, and you certainly don't want to feel the icy sharpness of the instrument inside you again. Not if you can help it. Sapphire wants the intimacy of experiencing motherhood from beginning to end, but if she's being honest with herself she doesn’t know if she could handle going through something like _that_ twice. If this works, she won't have to go through it again, and she is happy with that. She never had a dream for bearing more than one child, anyway.

Like any pregnancy, though, it takes time to see whether or not it is real. A week or two, at the very least, in order to be perfectly certain. Of course, by then the traditional symptoms of pregnancy, such as sensitivity of the breasts, a missed period, or sudden craving, are usually also beginning to rouse themselves.

It's hard to tell if her unsettled stomach is from her own nerves or morning sickness, though.

Ruby feeds off of her anxiety, too, Sapphire can tell.

"Sapphy, are you sure you're okay?" she asks when her alarm goes off, and she rolls over only to see Sapphire already awake and scrolling through her smartphone. "It can't be good if you're not sleeping—isn’t that what you told me?"

"I'm okay, Ru," Sapphire mutters distractedly. She is scrolling through early symptoms of pregnancy at the moment. It's not the results of an internet search, though; she is revisiting the information that Dr. Maheswaran gave her about that, as well as pre-natal care. Of course she is. Since the procedure at the clinic, she can't seem to get the thought out of her _head_. It's… she doesn't even know what to call it anymore. What if it didn't take?

What if it did?

Just the thought of that is enough to cause her stomach to jump.

"Sapphire?"

Ruby's voice is getting smaller. She is worried.

Sapphire puts her phone to sleep and sets the device down. She shifts so that she is lying on her side, facing her wife with her arms curled under her head. "I don't mean to concern you," she says, reaching out with one foot and bumping at Ruby's shin. "I'm sorry."

Ruby rubs her leg against Sapphire's foot. Whether she means to convey reassurance or a lack of anger, it is a bit hard to say right now, but she is not upset. That, Sapphire figures, is enough. "What's on your mind?" she asks. "I want to know."

Sapphire lets out a breath, leans a little harder on her arms. "It's been a week and a half. I take the pregnancy test every other day, and I still haven't gotten a positive. What if it didn't work? What if something went wrong, or a test came back as a false positive, and I really can't get pregnan—”

"Hey. Sapphy, hey," Ruby says. She reaches out and tugs Sapphire into her arms, tucks her in until they are lying together so close that Sapphire can feel the beating of her heart behind her breasts. Since it's only seven in the morning, they are both wearing pajamas. Ruby wears a tank top to bed, typically, but she doesn't wear her usual sports bra. It makes her softer than usual, not all strapped down. Feeling Ruby thick and solid and muscular isn't bad either, admittedly, but since this is a little rarer Sapphire thinks she likes it a little more. She slides her hands under the tank top and over Ruby's belly and sides, relishing the feel of her. Ruby is the most reassuring person to hold on to. It never feels as though she can't take it, no matter how hard you grip.

Ruby's mouth is by Sapphire's temple now, and Sapphire can feel the brush of her lips as she speaks, "It will happen the way it's supposed to happen, Sapph. You know that better than I do. And it's a good clinic that does good work. Have a little faith, give it time."

Sapphire laughs. "I'm not usually the impatient one," she remarks with amusement, incidentally nuzzling into the crook of Ruby's shoulder. "What a strange change of pace."

Ruby pauses at first, but then giggles in her arms. "Yeah, well don't get used to it. I don't like being the one who has to say wait, you know."

Sapphire snorts loudly, and they both lay there for a while, giggling and holding each other. It eventually just devolves into holding each other, until Ruby is probably running late for the class that's waiting for her at the college, but Sapphire thinks she needed this moment. Ruby knew she needed this before even she did, and worked to calm her before she sent herself into a tizzy. Sapphire doesn't think anyone has ever taken the time to get to know her this well, and she appreciates it more than she can say.

She is married to her best friend. What could be better?

"You gonna be okay?" Ruby asks, stroking her back. "As much as I'd love to stay in bed all day, I probably should get running to work."

She doesn't lean back or make as if to move, though. Sapphire notices that. Nonetheless, she nods into her partner's neck. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Thank you for staying with me this morning."

A kiss is pressed into her temple. "Of course, Sapph. Text if you need me, okay?"

Sapphire nods again, and releases her hold on Ruby only slightly reluctantly. Ruby lingers for a brief longer before rolling out of bed and beginning to get dressed for the day. Sapphire doesn't leave the warmth of the blankets as she watches, enjoying the view. If everything goes as planned, things won’t be this private and domestic between them for much longer, and while this is a choice they are making together it doesn’t mean that Sapphire can’t relish it while it lasts.

As fate would have it, by the time noon rolls around everything changes. Sapphire knew she probably shouldn't, but she took another pregnancy test anyway.

Positive.

* * *

 

Being pregnant in a court room is… an interesting study in professionalism versus sexism, to be honest. Whereas Sapphire often faces sexist opposition because she is a petite and stereotypically feminine prosecuting attorney—and let's face, it law is largely considered A Man's Job, don't worry your pretty little head about the semantics of logical fallacies and legal precedence—now that she has started showing things have notably shifted. Whereas she was simply looked down upon before, now she is treated with a kind of delicacy, as if a particularly hard gust of wind will knock her over.

“Here, let me get that for you,” a fellow attorney named Lars tells her today. He literally jogs out of his way to open the door to the court house. It is the third time this week he has done this for her.

“Oh… thank you,” Sapphire says, maneuvering her enlarged belly and briefcase through the opening.

She and Lars started working here at about the same time, and up until now Sapphire has only ever been on the receiving end of backhanded compliments or uncalled for remarks she has to object to in the courtroom, if Lars deemed her worthy of acknowledgement at all. To say that this is a change of pace would be a wild understatement.

“Do you need someone to help you carry your stuff?” he asks, eyeing the side of her baby as if he expects her to keel over at any moment.

“Err, no, I’ll get by. But thank you.”

He didn’t even go for the cheap shot in court today, and she left that one _wide open_ for him. The latter is a bit disconcerting, actually, because Sapphire _plans_ for those cheap shots when she makes her arguments, and not having them means less room to make her points, which is always a little uncomfortable.

She doesn’t look back, but she has to wonder if Lars is intentionally going easy on her. Sure, her balance is off now because there is a baby bump, but that doesn't mean her _mind_ is off. She can still argue her case as well as anyone else. The hesitancy Sapphire is noticing from men in the legal system these days is something she neither trusts nor finds becoming.

"You're a pregnant lady. Who wants to upset a pregnant lady?" says Ruby over dinner that evening. She waves her fork as she talks over her pork chops and asparagus. "Heck, I don't like upsetting you when you're like this anyway—but that's also because I know how often you puked in the first trimester and how sore and swollen your ankles get, I think."

She tactfully leaves out the drastic changes in libido that Sapphire has been experiencing. Depending upon which trimester you're talking about, she either can't get enough or would never like to have sex again. That, too, has been a really strange roller coaster for the two of them to ride.

"But the fact that I'm pregnant should have nothing to do with how I argue for my client," Sapphire insists, slapping her palm on the table next to her plate. "This baby I'm carrying is none of their business, and she's not affecting my ability to do my job, so there is no point in bringing attention to her."

Sapphire is in the middle of her third trimester now, so they have known the sex of their baby for a few months at this point. Of course, the physical sex of the baby had nothing to do with gender or the pronouns they would settle on later in life, but for the sake of simplicity—and habit, too, Sapphire would say—she and Ruby had been referring to their daughter as 'she' since Dr. Maheswaran had told them her sex.

"You don't see any point to it," Ruby says after a brief sip of water. "But I think I can, Sapphy. You look fragile like this. I mean, you've always been petite, but you look so much _smaller_ with the baby belly, because it dwarfs you. That's all they see now."

"That still doesn't have anything to do with what's in my mind, or how I can speak," Sapphire insists. "To presume that it does is inherently sexist, Ruby. It's taking my physical appearance and assuming that it has influenced the way I can do my job."

Ruby considers, chewing on her pork chop, and then swallows and nods her acquiescence. "I'm not going to argue against you about this—I _agree_. I'm a feminist too, you know."

"Then why—”

"—Because your co-workers clearly are not feminists, and that is the perspective they are using on you. I was trying to show you that."

Sapphire deflates, a little miffed. She isn't annoyed with Ruby—as erroneous as the perspective she illustrates is, she is likely quite right about it, and acknowledging that is not a bad idea—but rather with the situation in general.

As if sensing Sapphire's agitation, their daughter shifts. She kicks out, but thankfully not at the bladder. Sapphire rubs at the spot on her middle in a distracted semblance of comfort. The baby is big. Dr. Maheswaran says that they are probably looking at a birthweight somewhere in the vicinity of ten pounds. That time is closing in on them, but Sapphire isn't sure she really wants to think about pushing ten pounds of new, fragile human out of her own body just yet.

"I know," she says. "I just—it’s frustrating, Ru. I feel like I'm not being taken seriously."

"Why not find a way to take advantage of it?" suggests Ruby. "Being underestimated has never bothered you before."

"I know, but that was before I had strange cravings, and I couldn't sleep on my right side anymore, and I had to _pee_ all the time because there's a baby sitting on my bladder, and—”

Ruby takes her hand and starts rubbing at her knuckles like a massage. She doesn't actually make to interrupt Sapphire, but she stops complaining anyway.

"Am I losing my edge?" she asks her wife anxiously. "Oh my god, are my male co-workers right to treat me like this? Is _Lars_ right?"

"No, Sapph, he’s not," Ruby says firmly. "You're dwelling on this, I think. Overthinking it. You're off balance because things are really different within your own skin right now, and that makes sense, but you're right that it shouldn't affect how you organize your arguments in the courtroom. If nothing else, you'll only be more terrifying than usual. The ice queen is now becoming a mama bear—they're quaking in their boots, I bet!"

Sapphire laughs at this inadvertent mental image. "I don't think it's _that_ bad," she mutters grudgingly.

"Still, though, it's something you can use," Ruby says supportively. "They think you're fragile? They've given you an inch; it's time to take a mile. You won't be like this forever, so might as well take advantage of the fact that they are probably as thrown off by all of these changes as you are. If they want to be sexist jerks about it, then I say you have a right to let them be sexist jerks, but they can't complain if you continue to do your job as you always have. Right?"

"I feel like there's the small problem of quid pro quo in there, but I see your point," says Sapphire with a wry smile. "If they give me an inch, then as a prosecuting attorney it _is_ my job to take a mile. If they give me more than an inch because they are too afraid to be as aggressive as usual, then that isn't my fault."

"See? It sounds even better when you say it," says Ruby. "Plus you're using Latin, so bonus points for the proper jargon."

She laughs again. "Thanks, I try."

Ruby grins with her. "You're not losing your edge at all, Sapphy. Things are different, and that's weird for everyone, but you're still doing remarkable work. Even if I don't know all the jargon."

She smiles. "Thank you, Ru. Your supporting me through all of this really does mean a lot."

"I'm glad I could help," Ruby says. She pats the back of Sapphire's hand. "So how are things today? Not that I mind being vented to over dinner, but it looks like the baby has been beating you up today. Is your back sore? How are your feet? Need to put them up?"

Sapphire hears all of these concerns—well intentioned and educated as they are—and she has to smile for a whole new reason. Of course Ruby would want to pay attention to all of these things. Honestly, Sapphire would rather it no other way.

* * *

 

It is probably… oh, three or four in the morning right now. Yes, Sapphire decides as she hears the sniffles and thin wailings coming from the crib at the foot of the bed. Yes, that would be about right.

She read while pregnant that the ears of new mothers are keen, and that sleep is hard to come by in the first six months or so. Newborn's hunger and bowels make it difficult for them to sleep through the night. She is pretty sure that she believed this at the time, but she had never truly _believed_ until the first time her entire body snapped into awareness at Garnet's slightest noise. She wakes up when the baby sneezes, for chissakes. It’s actually a bit of a problem.

Of course, she isn't alone. So even as she groans, sweeps her long blonde braid over her shoulder, and trudges over to the crib to feed Garnet, Ruby joins her.

"That was almost four hours this time," Ruby says with a small, wry grin as she flicks on the bedside lamp. It isn't bright enough to light up the entire room, but it is bright enough to see by, and that’s all Sapphire needs. "She's getting better!"

"That is an improvement," Sapphire agrees as she lowers the guard on the crib. "Hey, baby girl, are you hungry?"

Garnet kicks her fat legs and warbles out a response. Her little hands are in fists, and they bop at Sapphire's hands with surprising strength for one her size as Sapphire reaches for her. There is no foul odor coming from the general direction of her diapered bottom, so Sapphire counts herself briefly lucky in that regard.

For all of Garnet's flailing at being reached at, she is a very cuddly baby once you get her into your arms. She melts like a ragdoll kitten as Sapphire settles into the wooden rocking chair with her. All of her mewls and protests are gone now, miraculously.

When Sapphire offers a breast to feed from, Garnet suckles for a little while, but only halfheartedly. "What's the matter, baby girl?" Sapphire croons. She feels the infant's soft forehead, but her temperature doesn't seem high.

"She's not eating?" asks Ruby, approaching with one of the burp towels they had laundered during the daylight hours. "That isn't like her. She's usually always hungry."

"I know, I don't get it either. She doesn't feel hot, either." Sapphire pops open the snaps on Garnet's purple onesie and checks her diaper anyway, but her nose was right not to sound any alarms. "She doesn't need to be changed, either."

"That is so weird," Ruby remarks. "I wonder what she wanted."

"Here, why don't you take her. I've got to pee anyway."

Ruby slings the burp towel over her shoulder as Sapphire passes Garnet off. As Sapphire pushes herself to stand, she takes a moment to gaze at the sight of her wife holding their daughter. Even in the dim lighting, the view is the sort that makes her stomach twist in delight. Ruby holds Garnet like she is the most precious thing in the world. Her curls are wild and untamed with sleep, and her there are bags under her eyes from behind the frames of her glasses, but god if this isn't one of the most beautiful things that Sapphire has ever seen.

"Hey, Garnet," Ruby whispers gently. "Just wanted to hang out, then? Is that it? Are you a night owl?"

I am so lucky, Sapphire thinks. I am so, so lucky I can be here with them.

Ruby, noticing the weight of her gaze, glances up. "I thought you needed to go pee?"

"Huh? Oh, right." Sapphire hadn't been joking earlier, and she leaves to do her business in the bathroom.

By the time she comes back, though, Ruby has Garnet lying in the middle of the bed. She is on her side with one arm around the baby, still softly talking to her.

"Sapph, I think she just wanted to hang out with us. Look, she's not crying anymore. She's back to being asleep," Ruby says.

Sapphire gets back into bed slowly, mindful of the small body between herself and her wife. Ruby isn't wrong. With all of the attention, Garnet has fallen right back asleep.

As Sapphire settles into place beside her, her arm joining Ruby's, she feels Garnet snuggle closer to the point of contact. The little girl lets out a very long sigh for someone of her size.

"I think you're right," Sapphire whispers. "This doesn't seem normal."

"Who cares if it's normal?" asks Ruby. "It's cute as hell, Sapph. Just look at her."

Sapphire laughs. "Well, I can't argue with that."


End file.
